I’d Like to Say a Few Words…

Toasts and Speeches for the Wedding

The goal of every person planning a wedding or a party is to impart some of their personality into the event to make it uniquely their own. At a wedding, toasts allow for some storytelling; recounting of incidents and stories of the couple’s history to make all guests feel more a part of the couple’s journey to the altar. Toasts also let the couple, family and friends publicly declare their feelings about each other and about the event; to say thanks to appropriate parties and to acknowledge those people that have special significance. Here are some tips for occasions when a toast is required.

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At the Wedding Reception

Toasts at the wedding reception should be short and formal. Traditionally, they are given as or just after the dinner plates are cleared. The first toast is usually by the best man to the couple. Next, the couple toasts their parents and each other. The next toasts are usually from the host of the event (in this case, perhaps the father of the bride) to the wedding guests. These guidelines aren’t appropriate for every wedding and they can be changed to suit each couple’s needs. If the couple is hosting their own wedding, they may begin the toasts by welcoming everyone to their wedding. The groom and bride would then go on to say something to one another.

Rehearsal Dinner

The groom’s family usually hosts an after rehearsal dinner for the wedding party, out-of-town guests and family. This party is normally more casual than the wedding reception and toasts have been known to become a free-for-all that extends well into the evening with well-intentioned friends and family regaling the crowd with every single amusing story they know about the couple. The groom’s father, as the host, usually kicks off the toasting. It is a good idea to ask someone, perhaps the best man, to close out the toasting after a few minutes so it doesn’t go on too long or become inappropriate.

Advance Preparation

It is a good idea to ask the people you would like to present a formal toast several months before the wedding. Give everyone involved a schedule indicating who will make the first toast, when it will take place, and how it will be announced, along with the rest of the toasts, as they are to follow. Knowing what and when to expect things to happen will make things flow much easier and give those making the toasts some security.

Most people are a bit intimidated about speaking in public. There are some people who naturally enjoy getting up in front of a group of people and speaking on any topic. That isn’t most people, however and the added pressure of the day makes a wedding toast especially nerve-wracking. If you are already feeling tongue tied or can’t formulate the right words, here are some tips to help with your toast:

Make a Plan

Having a plan is the most important step to a good toast. Collect your thoughts and think back on special times with the bride or groom. Think about the message you want to convey. Ask yourself what you want friends and family to know about your friends as you know them and as a couple, too. What feelings or special times do you want to share? Don’t try to make a toast that doesn’t suit your personality; it will flop. If you are very naturally shy or serious, leave the comedy to others. The best rule of thumb when it comes to a toast? Keep it simple. Something that is simple and from the heart is always best and will be deeply appreciated.

Practice, Practice

Next, take time to rehearse your toast. Practice it in front of a mirror or ask a friend to help you practice. You can video it if you are really concerned about your performance. It is important to make sure you can say the words out loud. Rehearse your toast a few times, but don’t memorize it because you may forget it and freeze up trying to recall the right order of the words. Just speak from the heart but know they key points you want to include in the toast to stay on track. Some use a note card to make sure they do not forget vital points of the toast.

Presenting Your Toast

Avoid signaling your anxiety by apologizing before you even start. No one will even notice how nervous you are unless you mention it first. Stage fright usually passes after you start to speak so just jump in, you’ll do just fine.

Always begin with a deep breath to settle your nerves; it gives you a moment to collect your thoughts. Look directly at the target of your toast and smile — they are a familiar face in the crowd so it is easiest to start by speaking directly to them. This also seems so much more personal and intimate; it will feel as if you are talking just to them. You may forget about the rest of the crowd if you just concentrate on talking to your friends.

TIP: All toasts should end with the raising of a glass and a drink by everyone except the people to whom the toast is presented.

Just remember, guests don’t expect Jay Leno or a professional speaker. They do expect a simple expression of your feelings or memories in a very personal manner. They will relate to you if you come across as natural and sincere.

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