Communication

Knowing When to Talk

A key step toward improving communication with your partner is to choose the appropriate time and place to talk. Not doing so can belittle an important conversation or turn even the most "innocent" comment into a raging argument.

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If you have something of significance to say to your partner, choose a quiet and private place when you both are relaxed. If this happens to be when the television is on, ask your partner if you can talk to him/her about something on your mind. If s/he doesn't feel up to it, don't get angry! Ask when would be a better time. This is respecting your partner and it is exactly what you will want when it's your turn to speak. If your partner agrees to a conversation, turn off the television. And by all means never try to have important discussions over the phone or by email. (Forget about texting altogether unless you don't want that relationship to last.)

When we have something important on our mind, our main goal when we communicate is making sure we are understood. Sometimes, however that goal can blind us, forcing us to express ourselves in ways that may be alien to those we talk to. If you want to know how to talk to your partner in an effective way, you need to consider your words from his/her perspective.

Try this: Practice saying what you need to while staring at a reflection of yourself in the mirror. This phrasing is important: "reflection of yourself." Why? Because that is exactly what your partner is. Treat him/her with the same respect you would give yourself. Really listen to how you phrase what you have to say. Change any wording so that you don't seem to be attacking, sound aggressive, or closed off to your partner's response...whatever it may be.

Perhaps you are one of the luckier people who has no problem talking to your partner about anything at all in your daily lives together. However, when it comes to telling your partner what you need in bed, you find yourself at a complete loss of communication skills.

Many of us are simply not comfortable with addressing our sexual needs, while others fear they may be barking out instructions during what should be a "natural" act of love.

Remember that making love is communication by its very nature. That means there are many ways to indicate your likes and dislikes without sounding like you swallowed a GPS. Your body can silently communicate what feels good or what doesn't by moving closer to or away from the stimulus. You can also use your partner's or even your own hands to show what feels good. On the other side, you can ask your partner what s/he likes, which could also open the doors for communication between you.

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