Relationship Advice

Keeping the Past in the Past

When starting a new relationship, it's imperative that you work hard at not repeating mistakes from past relationships. We learn from experiences in life, certainly, but remember that your new lover is not the one you had previously. Even if s/he occasionally makes the same mistakes (i.e., not listening when you speak, spending too much time away from home, etc.), you must understand that the motivations for these actions differ from person to person.

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Oftentimes, your partner won't even have been aware that s/he has committed some infraction and merely needs a kind word to bring it to his/her attention. You may wish to say to your partner, "I realize I never told you this before, but when you watch television while I'm talking to you it feels like you're not listening." Chances are, your lover will appreciate your feelings and make changes right away. There are several keys to making a relationship work, but treating your new lover with the respect s/he deserves as an individual is fundamental.

In every relationship, passion dies down after a while. Many couples fear this inevitable cooling-off period, but in fact it's a milestone. Why? Because it means you both have matured past the initial surface excitement and have begun to create a solid foundation upon which you can build for years to come.

But that doesn't mean you can't put effort into spicing up a relationship as well! Especially when things have cooled off, there are many ways to show you care. Most men love spontaneity, so women may wish to pounce on their man when he least expects it! Almost every woman loves to be wooed and catered to. Men could draw a nice bath for their partner, give a sensual massage, or even just leave a love letter in her bag before she heads to work. Sex isn't the only way to express a deep love for your partner, you just have to be a little creative!

Sometimes the best advice for couples who are experiencing difficulties is to seek out couples counseling. The best way to find a qualified professional is to ask for counselor referrals from other couples you know. You can also do a search on the Internet for psychologists who specialize in individual and couples' counseling. You may wish to see the counselor separately as well.

Many mistake the need for couples' counseling for a failing in some way, but this is far from the truth. By getting professional advice on your relationship, you are actually working at keeping a relationship together. That can hardly be seen as a failure.

Need more advice on relationships? Check out Pepper's Corner with advice from our own Dr. Pepper Schwartz.

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