Raising Kids

Toddler Tantrums

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One of the most poignant pieces of advice on raising kids is how to deal with toddlers and their inevitable tantrums. First you need to understand why tantrums happen. For the first few years of your child's life, s/he has gotten used to having every need anticipated and everything done for him/her. As your child grows, there is often a reluctance to learn the new responsibilities of self-care.

Diffuse toddler tantrums by keeping this in mind when one flares up. Before you discipline him/her, think about what your child is experiencing. When you ask more from your child, don't expect immediate results in your child's behavior. Try to integrate your child into new responsibilities by assisting him/her the first few times (i.e., picking up toys, asking for juice instead of throwing the empty cup, etc.). Afterwards, talk with your child about why it's important s/he learn these new skills.

Anyone can give advice on raising children, but at the end of the day, child-rearing really depends on how well you and your family can communicate. Communicative parents are better able to teach their children with the use of language. In turn, children become better able to express their feelings in an articulate way, avoiding melt-downs when things don't go their way.

Take the time to talk to your children when a conflict arises. Even the worst temper tantrum can often be soothed by words alone. If not, it's important to keep your cool. Sometimes your child simply needs to cry. If you find yourself in a public place when a melt-down occurs, remove the child from the location as peacefully as you can. Once s/he calms down, speak with him/her about what happened and why you had to leave. Leaving may have been inconvenient -- especially if you were in a supermarket with a cart full of groceries -- but after one or two events like this, your child will learn that wild screaming just won't work. Talking is imperative.

Most parents are prepared for pre-teens and teenagers to experience intense hormonal changes as they go through puberty. It's not quite clear how these changes will manifest themselves in behavior, however. Some kids act out, while others withdraw. Some even cling to the familiarity of the family unit.

Remember that your child is preparing for adulthood. You can assist them in making good choices by finding a good balance of guidance and freedom. Be present and available for your teen, but not over their shoulders at every step.

Here are a few ways you can accomplish this:

• Extend curfew an hour or two on weekends after your teen is a junior in high school, and an additional hour in his/her senior year.
• If your teen goes out a lot, encourage him/her to invite friends over to your house. When the friends are visiting, give your teen some space to be alone with them.
• Include your teen in family decision-making. From vacation to home improvement, any input you accept from your child will make him/her feel included and necessary. This builds self-esteem and a dedication to the family.

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