Pepper's Corner
An Introduction and some Advice
Family Matters Be sure to check out "Science of Love", a new show on NBC featuring uTANGO's Dr. Pepper Schwartz and PerfectMatch.com to learn about the actual science of why we fall in love. Learn more about Science of Love
Marriage is a gift, but it also has to be earned. We fall in love but in order to stay in love it takes, sensitivity, time, trust and communication—not to mention a whole list of other things. Every couple needs help now and then—even if it's just to keep talking about the things that matter.
The four topics I most often get email about—and which research shows are the most likely areas of disagreement are: sex, money, children, and division of labor and tasks in the household. The surprising fact is of those four issues, the one that is most likely to cause serious conflict most of the time is...the division of household tasks! Maybe it's just that this issue comes up more—but there are so many tasks that need to be done—getting the kids to school, calling up in-laws or parents, shopping for groceries, making appointments for medical checkups—the list goes on and on and everyone needs to pitch in to make couple life possible.
The more people feel that the division of household tasks is fair, the better the relationship will work. This doesn’t mean everything has to be 50-50—it just means that you discuss what has to be done, you figure out a way to get things done that each of you honestly approves of—and you notice when your partner is overwhelmed and you pitch in if necessary. Doesn't sound like brain surgery, does it? Yet so many couples get in arguments over this stuff—and it wears them out.
So here's an easy preventative: talk about it, help each other, don't stuff down anger or feelings of not being appreciated—get them out, and get them handled. There's no better advice I can give you. If you handle every day responsibilities well, you will have created a strong foundation for everything else that goes on in a marriage. | LifeMatters Relationship Advice – Strengthen Your Relationship and Make it Pay OffSM
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Pepper Schwartz is Professor of Sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle. She holds a B.A. and an M.A. from Washington University in St. Louis, where she was a Woodrow Wilson Fellow, and an M.A. and Ph.D in Sociology from Yale University.
Dr. Schwartz has received many awards, including the 2005 American Sociological Award for the Public Dissemination of Information, the Matrix Award for Achievement in Education and the International Women's Forum Award in Career Achievement in Washington State. She is the author of 14 books, including many popular books such as: "The Great Sex Weekend," "The Lifetime Love and Sex Quiz Book," "Everything You Know About Love and Sex is Wrong" and "201 Question to Ask Your Kids / 201 Questions to Ask Your Parents."
